Weird Dream

dreamt that I was on a train and I was heading to this small town in some far off place.when I got out of the train and was walking through the station (similar to an MRT/LRT Station), as I looked down I noticed a river running nearby and there were invisible creatures that were transiting between being visible and invisible swimming in the water.

Then (as it was raining) I saw that there were silhouettes of invisible bears running around the place. This worried me but I saw that there was a barrier preventing any bears from entering the station. As I exited the station I made a run for the nearby fast food centre. Inside I found out that the people were living in daily fear as the bears were hungry and prone to attacking people all the time. The only way to avoid this was by walking around in groups that gave them the appearance of being bigger than the bears, which were kodiak sized.

Just at that moment, a family new to the area left the restaurant and travelled in single file to their car. Just as they were getting into the car suddenly dent marks started appearing on the door of the vehicle. A bear was attacking! To escape the family ran back into the fast food place. This caused a wide spread panic and people started running into the back of the fast food centre (some hiding in the kitchen).

Just then a government official arrived with a whole entourage of bodyguards and soldiers. He started walking around the area towards the nearby forests. The soldiers formed a wide ring around him and kept firing into the surrounding area to keep the bears away. This went on for a while and somehow I ended up there in the centre with the official as he walked around talking to the local residents. He asked them how the government could help etc... the usual public niceties, and the proceeded to the local hotel. The soldiers were left in the forests to go hunt the bears (and one slaughtered 14 of them). The moment each animal was killed they would become visible again and so we were confronted by the sheer size of them. They were aided by the rain which allowed them to see where the bears were standing.

When I got into the hotel, my family just happened to be there too. In the hotel room I watched a documentary on how they constructed the train station. They'd chosen the form of the building (much like an MRT/LRT station) so that it would be elevated from the ground and therefore prevent the bears from getting in. I remember thinking that many many workers must have died while working on it. My dad then mentioned to me that there were many abandoned constructions sites all around the area, because they couldn't stop the bears from attacking while they built.

And that's when I woke up.

Question of identity...

Somehow, no matter where I go, the question of what it means to be Singaporean will inevitably come up.

First time this week was at work... Boss held a meeting about house design in singapore. What happened was a rollar coaster of topics and barrage of arguments from all sides. Before long the question arose, what is the Singaporean heritage and what about it are we hoping to evoke in house design? This then became a question of what is it to be singaporean.

Yesterday, I had dinner with some of my choir friends. Surprisingly the question came up again. Who are we? What is our identity, what does it mean to be singaporean?

And then at night while driving around with a friend, the same questions again! Why are singaporeans so insecure of, so embarrased by and so unsure of their past, their heritage, their roots.

Are we all so superficial.... is our past like the fake american accents of some tv comperes, paper thin?

These are such rhetorical questions. The deeper you dig the more confused/alarmed/jaded you become. For a nation searching for something more substantial in our everyday lives (what are we slogging so hard for?) we really aren't getting many answers.

One thing that baffles me still is that somehow the whole thing works. don't ask me how... coz the size of the houses and the shine of the new cars are answers enough.

For those not so blessed who have to chase the dollar, they don't really have time to sit back and think about it. For the rest of us who are able to take time out to do some soul-searching (key word being searching), we're probably gonna have to keep on looking.

Typical Saturday?

Had a full day yesterday...

went to Sim Lim to check out memory cards and prices of computer components... am hoping to put together some cool computer. ;)

Then went to check out the alumni rehearsal which was top notch! Ms Rebecca turned up and she really brought out the quality in each person's voice. Just by her very presence you could just sense the difference in the way people would give so much more. She has that very way about her that is the stuff of legend. There was one song where the key changes from minor to major... and it made everyone sitting there watching turn and look. So captivated were we... I have not felt that way in such a long time.

To see someone, who you know is really at the very best of her craft, doing what she does best... and then knowing that she really is doing this all for God's glory... it's just too wonderful to put into words. You feel awed, humbled, so terrible blessed to have met her and so awkward at the same time. ;P

Felt exactly the same when I saw Jars of Clay in concert back in Melb. Man, were they good... After queuing to get their autographs, just blurted out so much rubbish and felt so embarrassed after that. Haha.

So it begins.

been working for 3 days already. Been quite an interesting experience. Not quite as bad as I had feared it would be. Not as exciting as I hoped... but not bad non the less.

Once again it's been a bit of a chore having to adjust and adapt to new faces, new experiences, a whole new environment... plus it's been scary having to adjust to the standards that are adopted in the office.

Really really have to thank God for the really helpful and patient colleagues who have put up with my constant questions and blank uncomprehending looks. so far I haven't had lunch with the same group of people twice! not that the office is that big... but it's been quite a pleasure getting to know them one by one.

Interaction with my boss has been at a minimum. He's usually at a meeting, discussing something important with the senior architects or in his room planning or whatever it is he does in there. I've been kept busy doing small tasks... which somehow amount to really long hours. Just detailing a toilet can take forever! Though it is a rather mundane chore, I do find my mind working a lot coz I have to keep thinking where the next line i draw is gonna go and what thickness to make it. I rather enjoy the feeling when I've printed my stuff out and it looks so professional... what a sense of accomplishment that brings. :)

Sadly though, as expected this company has it's fair share of office politics and bickering and such. The conversations have increased in intensity with each lunch I've had. Kinda expected it considering no place is ever perfect (even churches have their fair share of problems!) but was hoping it would take a little longer before it all sunk in.

Thankfully i'm not being overworked or anything. I leave around six plus once i've finished my tasks and can make my way home without having to bring my work home with me. This will all come to an end sooner or later though... considering I will get involved more and more as the days go by. Furthermore, the other interns aren't hanging around as long as I am so I reckon things are going to get real busy in a month or two.
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today that best thing that happened was me waking up at 6.30am instead of the usual 7.45. I went to sleep at 11.30pm and just woke up like that. Had a nice dream (though I can't remember it) and then found myself looking at my room, wide awake. The sun hadn't even risen and I just couldn't believe how full of energy I felt. So I got up, rubbed my eyes a bit and thought about what to do with the time. Had prayed hard the night before that God would give me a good night's rest. Well He sure delivered! I decided to give the time back to Him since He'd so generously given me these precious hours of the morning. Spent the morning doing some bible study and prayer.... and when I headed to work I never felt better. Ironically the bible study was on busyness and finding rest in Christ. :P

Made me realise that 7 hours of sleep probably is my optimum amount of sleep. And there've been so many nights i've been sleeping for 9 hours or more... No wonder I keep thinking I need more sleep... tragically i'd been oversleeping... (a criminal offense?)

Strangely it wasn't so much the fighting to stay awake this morning that kept me in bed till 6.40am, it was the fighting the tradition of not wanting to get up till the last possible moment before I have to spring out of bed, change, have breakfast and rush out of the house. It's the cycle that's been with me since primary school till pre-u. Waking up all groggy at 6.30am every morning to catch the school bus. This was then followed by waking up at 6.30am every morning to catch the bus to go to army. And in melbourne it's waking up 1/2 hour before my morning classes to rush to uni on foot.

But it's unfair to compare so much. I don't have any homework, now that i'm working, and so I can sleep as early as I want without fear.

But in the end I think it was also a good thing to start the day off with God. Got off on the right foot, had the right frame of mind and also reminded myself of all the ways I could make a lot of trouble for myself if I wasn't careful. Was a good experience that I hope to repeat. :)

Too blessed for our own good

Was struck by a conversation mom had today, talking about her sunday school students and how their attendence would be quite erratic.

Couldn't help my link that to my own experience as a co-leader in bible study. Hearing mom's frustration as she always follow through all the lessons with her students made me realise and appreciate how willing the people in OCF were to study God's word. The fact that they came back week after week, gave up their precious friday nights just to listen to and discuss the studies was something that shouldn't be taken for granted. Hopefully they left with a better understanding and weren't further confused by the leaders. :P

I recall my own apathy towards bible study back when I was a teenager. Every sunday the room would be filled with kids who just didn't give a hoot and were there probably because their parents had dragged them to church. For myself I don't think i've ever had to struggle for anything in this life (yes i'll admit to being spoilt)... hearing about how we'd received the gift of salvation so freely just seemed like getting 'just another thing'. Isn't it sad though that so many hear it and like myself wander aimlessly for so many years before it all finally make sense? Or rather, isn't it wonderful that after wandering aimlessly it finally all makes sense!

Thank God for His patience and mercy.

Kids

just had dinner with my cousin's family.
was really such a wonder seeing her daughter. She's already 2 1/2 years old and so active and curious etc. She's starting to imitate people and to speak with such authority ('look!'). Furthermore it was so fun watching her so engrossed with her toy cooking set. It really doesn't take much to entertain little kids.

makes us see how much we 'progress' and develop as adults. Here I am talking to my cousins about my trip to Sabah and how we've had so many adventures and their daughter is sitting there quietly absorbed in little pieces of plastic. Not that I want to spend my whole life entertained by tinkertoys but I wonder why it is that we're always looking for that next thrill rather than being quietly content with what is happening around us already.

Somewhere along the way we outgrow so many things. No wonder I get so easily bored with mundane stuff. Makes me dread working when I have to do the same thing day in day out over such a long period of time. It's gonna be such a challenge to remain focused on God as our master in the workforce.

Lunch with grandparents

had lunch with grandparents today, shared the amazing story with them about the descent of the mountain.

not sure how much went in. This was the first time my dad was hearing the story too. Little by little I suppose. Today before lunch I caught him sitting on the bed reading the bible in preparation for BSF... was pleased as punch to see that.

Realise that I have been so willing to share all that's gone on over the Sabah trip with my OCF friends that i've kinda neglected the friends I have in Singapore and my own family too! Haven't even shown them my photos yet. :( Terrible. Have to start balancing my time more carefully.

Cousin is coming over for dinner later with her family. Her daughter reminds me of Isabelle, albeit a more shy version. Can't wait to share with them too. Haha

The first one

Here we go,

don't really know what to write in a first entry. Can't ignore that it's new and also feel funny coz i just wanna get over with this. :P

anyway, just wanna dedicate this to God in appreciation for all His goodness to everyone I know and myself. Also wanna thank Ka-Meng who inspired the title and encouraged me to try this out.

feel free to comment!