A thought...

Would it be easier for someone who's rich to deal with becoming poor?

or for a poor person to deal with becoming rich?

Thousand Miles

I have stolen, Lord, let me give
I have left Your house a fugitive
I have wandered in my own way
Squandered everything You gave
But my dying heart You saved and let me live

I have cursed the air and clenched my fists
I have hungered for Your righteousness
I have tried to walk the line
I drew between Your heart and mine
But You forgive me every time the mark is missed

So take my broken offering and make it whole
And set my feet upon the road that leads me home
Let me walk as one fixed upon the goal
Even though I've got a thousand miles to go

I have sought Your grace in my defense
I have plundered Your magnificence
Until my journey is complete
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
That I might sow what I have reaped
From Your great love

As I struggle for Your hand
You use me in ways I can't understand
You take this sinful man and renew me
Working through me

- Caedmon's Call

time: relative or friend?

Time really has such an odd personality... give yourself a boring task and it suddenly becomes so friendly and abounding in generosity... ever lingering, loathe to depart from your presence. You feel you know each second of it independently.

But give yourself something exciting and challenging to do and suddenly time turns it's back on you and flees. Even hours can seem, well, hasty, unfriendly and eager to abandon you.

Currently..

...feeling a little sleepy after my big lunch

...listening to "Caedmon's Call : Share the well" an awesome album

...sitting in 23 degree cooled air

...hoping it would rain

...wishing I were home

...missing my friends overseas

...looking forward to 6pm

...needing some time with my Father

Happiness is..

...enjoying your work.

And you know that you enjoy your work when you work for the whole day on saturday and can still say that you don't mind going back on sunday to do some more.

now that's satisfaction.

sure i've complained... it's probably the thing most people expect you to do and I guess i felt a bit of loss that a day which I intended to just bum has passed me by. But it sure beats army hands down!

I guess work gives you a sense of purpose, that you're actually doing something productive and 'sensible'... but you have to weigh all that with a 'greater' purpose. Otherwise it is pointless (in the eternal sense)

The slow decline...

Had my longest day of work today. Finished at the late hour of 8.15pm. Reminds me of my army days.

Still have to head back to work tomorrow. Not sure how some people can keep up with this all their lives. Know this makes me sound all whiny and stuff but I wonder if it's wrong to expect better than this?

It seems to be an unspoken rule that if you can't put up with this sort of lifestyle over here you aren't worth anything in life. And I guess thousands suffer in silence.

I'm not really too concerned at the moment coz the project i'm working on is quite cool and I'm learning lots while glued to the computer screen. My superior is a nice funny guy who really has an impossible deadline to meet and i'm sure i'll have tons of company in the office tomorrow anyway. I don't really work the fastest in the office but I like to do things to the best of my ability. Non of my drawings should ever get out of line!

Spent the day sifting through the computer and a book to find the perfect tree to incoporate in the presentation drawings i'm preparing. Found some nice bamboo, a hedge and a couple of nice sketchy trees. Scanned them, edited them, trimmed them down and placed them carefully, only to have them rejected by my boss! haha... but my superior was quick to change strategy, we employed another tree image, merged them and that was accepted. :)

Guess it's easy for me to say that i'm enjoying all this, since I'm still just an intern (who's only worked 4 weeks mind you!). I've talked to a lot of my colleagues and asked them about their lives and what they enjoy doing etc. It's always fun to hear them talk so passionately about stuff like travelling, cooking, painting. Though I'm happy that they're all just as enthusiastic about buildings still.

The field of architecture still allows for much creativity, problem solving and the ability to go a bit nuts once in a while. But I feel sorry for the technical staff who are only drilled in the building regulations and do endless detailed drafting. To them it's easy to understand why they get so bored and tired out.

oh well, guess there's still so much more to learn. In a way though i'm proud to be associated with this firm now coz the buildings that they design have really been pushing the envelope [architecture-wise] in singapore. Globally we still have a LONG way to go.

so anyway, i'm expecting far more late nights and far less time for myself to redistribute to everything else that matters. If I work all day on saturday that leaves me with hardly anytime at all. Thank God that He really knew what He was doing by sending me to a uni that only requires 6 months working experience.

A Fractured mirror...

is a poor reflector

think i've been a terrible reflector of Christ to those around me... esp my parents.

Find that i'm so exhausted from 'being on the ball' at work that when I get home I'm just out of patience. I snap at them, I pull long faces, I'm in a hurry to go do my own stuff. It's terrible.

And yet they're still so patient with me...

this is hardly the time to start collecting more regrets

YAY!

it's almost 100% confirmed... will be getting a puppy! In 2-3 weeks time :)

so happy...

a bit scared that I won't know how to help look after the dog, or that it'll get out of control and mess up the whole place... but it's kinda like raising a kid I guess... once they grow older and learn and mature you forget about all the terrible things they did.

at least this 'kid' won't willfully hurt me or my family.

Grateful

I will feel grateful today,

though I don't think I had enough sleep and I'm struggling to stay focused daily
though I don't know how the day's gonna turn out and i'm scared I can't face the challenges ahead
though I may be faced with monotonous tasks day in day out
though I constantly fail at the things I shouldn't be struggling with
though I find myself always lacking in strength and discipline
though my mind is not 100% at peace with everything that's going on around me
though I still find myself holding grudges, filled with regrets and getting irritated by those around me

because I know who holds my future in His hand
because I know who I'm really working for
because I know that He will never leave me
because of the price He had to pay
because I know He listens
because He is who He says He is
because He knows what I'm going through
because He is all I need
because...

Singaporean syndrome

Are singaporeans lacking in their own opinions?

I'm not sure what to think about that.

The Esplanade: Some insightful comments

Heard these from someone who's not a practising architect:

1) There's no large open area in front of the building. The fact that it's built right next to the main road is a great crime. No other cultural centre is so positioned to limit the potential for a grand approach to the building.

2) There are almost no views of the ocean from within the building. The designers should have taken advantage of the scenic location, exploiting it to the max.

3) No cultural centre should have a shopping mall put in it. The planning is just disastrous.

Other comments were made, but these are the 3 that I agree with

What a great burden architects have to bear sometimes, being made to please all sides.

Parting

It's just human nature to feel sad when people you know leave. Either to another place or to the next life. No matter how much we know we'll meet again we still are affected by the fact that they're not 'physically' nearby anymore.

perhaps we're just lacking in foresight. Doesn't help that we often respond so much better to things we can see. Out of sight out of mind they often say.

Which is a good question, considering non of us has ever seen God, how then do we continue to remind ourselves of His presence?

I'm glad to say that through meeting up with fellow Christians, sharing our struggles and blessings... has been the greatest encouragement. That even though I may not be getting any answers for God at the moment, He is there and He is listening.

Heb 10:24-25 still remains my favourite verse for meeting up... and I hope that I've been as encouraging to others as they have been to me! :)

Time takes it's toll

Why is it that older people shrink and revert back to a infantile state?

they sit there, stare blankly and say a few words here and there and everyone's happy that they can communicate.

we push them around in wheelchairs, we have to bath them and feed them and care for them.

to those blessed enough to reach such an advanced age... what then is the prize?

Faith Enough

The ice is thin enough for walkin'
The rope is worn enough to climb
My throat is dry enough for talkin'
The world is crumblin' but I know why
The world is crumblin' but I know why

The storm is wild enough for sailing
The bridge is weak enough to cross
This body frail enough for fighting
I'm home enough to know I'm lost
Home enough to know I'm lost

It's just enough to be strong
In the broken places, in the broken places
It's just enough to be strong
Should the world rely on faith tonight

The land unfit enough for planting
Barren enough to conceive
Poor enough to gain the treasure
Enough a cynic to believe
Enough a cynic to believe

Confused enough to know direction
The sun eclipsed enough to shine
Be still enough to finally tremble
And see enough to know I'm blind
And see enough to know I'm blind

Should the world rely on faith tonight

- Jars of Clay

'Chinese' New Year

It's just around the corner. The celebration of the Lunar New Year. Guess it's all very foreign to me. Been away from home for the past two new years.

Never liked it a lot when I was kid. Sure you got the red packets and the nice goodies... but you always had the hot weather, dressing up in new clothes (which always included long sleeve shirts and pants for some reason) and having to greet millions of relatives who you never knew you had before. We don't even have fire crackers over here!

The only thing I really enjoyed about chinese new year were the two days off school or army and now work.

But that all changed being chinese overseas. You never got the holiday, it became a quirky event marked by food, chinese music and occasional greetings. Seeing how dead serious some people are about celebrating it only intensified my own frustrations of why I couldn't see it the same way. Not that I don't appreciate the tradition, it is still an important time of seeing family and being together. Just feel that i've grown out of it. There was never a magic about it to me... sad? I'm not sure about that.

When you continue doing something not because you enjoy it but out of habit, never thinking never pondering... you will do it. And when for some reason it stops and you never really look back and miss it... then you start to think, 'why was I doing it in the first place?'.

I'm not saying this is a univeral concern, it's my own, my precious. And I can't see the fuss. One of the drawbacks of being a global citizen I reckon. When you're safe and secure in your home country with no concept of a 'larger picture', you reckon this is the way it always has to be. Once out of the well you're taken by the fact that... there's a) more to life than that b) more than one way of skinning a cat (apologies to cat lovers).

Perhaps one day i'll find it again, the simple joy of chinese new year... on my terms or not. Till then i'm content to smile and observe.

Of course there's the other question of how chinese I really am... but i'll save that for another time.

No opinions please...

What I find amusing about architecture in general... is that people always have an opionion about it.

you can go to the most uneducated person (an uncle sellling tissue paper) or the most highly qualitied professional (e.g. a comic book artist) and they'll all have something to say about the buildings around them.

What irks me sometimes is that they not only have opinions... they have STRONG opinions... and they're all too willing to unload them on every architecture student they come across.

not only that, they almost always expect you (as the budding student) to know less about buildings than they do, and they always want you to confirm their suspicions and validate their opinions.

"don't you think such-and-such is such a terrible building?", "what do you think the architect was thinking when he did that??"

those are just some of the common things I've heard. Man, is it really true that we the students have to bear the responsibility of bad architecture on our backs?

One thing cool about architects though. They never get mobbed on the streets when they appear in public. Hardly anyone recognises them. But they have the silent satisfaction that thousands of people may be housed in their creations.

Spending time with fathers..

The question was simple...

have you waited on the Lord... have you spent time in prayer with Him?

made me think.

Prayer is essentially speaking to God... asking Him for His favour, blessing, telling Him what's on your mind etc.

Thought about how it in comparison to my own relationship with my dad. Do I purposely make time to speak to and share my day and concerns with my father? Do I ask him about his concerns? Am I genuinely concerned about them? Do I ask him what he wants of me? Do I do my earthly duties as a son to him out of love?

I'm not sure I can answer all those questions with a yes... but it's put my own walk with God in perspective. Indeed it helps to have a right relationship with your own dad... though it's by no means a requirement. ;)